Youre Funny i Know Im the Famous Comedian Arnold Braunschweiger
Alarm: Spoilers are unmarked.
- In the opening, a cop blocks Slater from entering the building where the Ripper is holed up.
Decker: Slater's attempting to enter, don't let him in! Repeat, do not let him in!
Cop: Slice of block. [turns to find Slater standing correct in front of him]
Slater: Hey! You desire to be a farmer? Here'south a couple of acres! [executes a Groin Assail that launches the cop six feet in the air]
- Danny imagining a trailer for Village with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the championship role
.- "Eh, Claudius! Yah killed my fadda." (grabs Claudius) "Big mistake." (sends a screaming Claudius flying out the window)
- "Stay thy manus, off-white prince!" — "Hoo said I'm feah?" Cue SchwarzenHamlet pulling out a MAC-ten, and blasting Polonius.
- And this asset:
SchwarzenHamlet: To be or not to exist... [lights a cigar, takes a drag] Not to exist. [KABOOM!]
- Though it was likely unintentional, a lot of Shakespeare scholars indicate out that Hamlet's Fatal Flaw is that he doesn't merely kill Claudius, which causes the decease of many other people. Schwarzenegger doesn't have that flaw, to say the least.
- Two cops prove upwardly outside Jack's cousin Frank's house, which they believe to be a scissure firm:
1st Cop: Are you sure this is the right address? This don't expect like no crevice house to me.
2nd Cop: What do you lot desire? 60 guys dancing on the lawn, throwing cocaine at each other? But kick the door in.
- Later on Frank'southward house explodes, the ii cops are revealed to have landed in a tree. One of them regains consciousness and has this to say: "Two days to retirement." Cue the Lethal Weapon stinger music.
- 2 words: Acme Dynamite.
- "Iced that guy--to cone a phrase."
- Danny goes cross-eyed and moans as Slater'southward motorcar is about to land on the Coca-Cola semi-truck.
- The blackness van chasing them unsuccessfully tries to copy Slater'south stunt and explodes, the effects of which happen behind Slater every bit he assures Danny that he'll alive to feel all the joys of young machismo, such as "acne, shaving, premature ejaculation, and your first divorce."
- The T-1000 and Catherine Tramell are seen strolling out of the law station. Doubles equally a Moment of Awesome for motion picture nuts.
- More amusing is the fact that the T-m walked past Slater, who share the same actor every bit his enemy "Uncle Bob".
Danny: Jack, did you lot encounter that?!
- Slater's cassette record for whenever his ex-married woman calls, which is just an endless loop of Slater saying, "Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah."
- Which then wanders into Tear Jerker territory when Danny points out that his wife calls him every day, at which point Slater reveals that he has someone telephone call him at the function pretending to exist his married woman, so they think he has some semblance of a life and isn't incredibly lonely.
- Jack has other prerecorded tapes labeled "Diddled Up Firm," "Ex-Mother-In-Law," "Creditors," "Governor's Office," "Twin Brother Did Information technology," "Girlfriend," "Internal Affairs," "Wrecked Car," "Working Belatedly," and "Out of Boondocks."
- The whole "Cops Getting Assigned Sidekicks" gag.
- The joke with Practice's proper name.
Do: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Slater: Practise!
- Later Practice leaves, Danny realizes :
Danny: Scout it, Jack. He killed Mozart!
Slater: [sardonically] In a movie?
Danny: Amadeus! It won 8 Oscars.
Slater: I saved his life in 'Nam. I'll brand sure to be on the lookout, thanks. Now...NO MORE MOVIES!
- Whatsoever time Dekker screams "SLATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" loud enough to break windows.
- Danny: "I can PROVE this is a picture! Wait, a drawing true cat merely walked through the door!"
Slater: He's supposed to be back on duty. He was merely suspended for a month. Now shut up!
Dekker: That true cat is one of my best men!
- Followed by this:
Danny: I just love the way you two fight, knowing how you really feel most each other.
Dekker: Pray tell. Simply how exercise I experience about this weird-looking sack of puppy poop?
[Jack looks at him questioningly]
- And this:
Danny: Jack Slater I.
Danny: No! The very commencement Jack Slater.
Dekker: [to Slater] Yous tell your dad?!
Slater: I didn't tell anyone! I don't even know this child!
- Slater's exasperated tone and expression equally he says the final line just adds to the hilarity.
- Followed by this:
- Slater and Dekker subjecting Danny to a rapid-burn interrogation, notwithstanding brief information technology is.
- Slater'southward response after Dekker appoints Danny as his partner: "Oh, no. Better to die."
- Danny starts to introduce himself to other cops as Jack's new partner, simply for Jack to walk back, pick him upward, and carry him out of the police force station.
- As Slater starts to say his catchphrase:
Danny: That is what you lot were gonna say, correct? Gee, how would I know that?
Slater: No-one likes a smart donkey.
- Slater driving like crazy out of the LAPD garage, and a passing driver yelling his proper name.
- In Slater'south globe, Terminator 2: Judgment Day starred Sylvester Stallone, not Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Slater flirting with an attractive adult female in the video shop.
Attractive Woman: You were in a moving-picture show?
Slater: [perks up] Aye. It was chosen The Girl of My Dreams. It starred you. Every bit a matter of fact, we had this very romantic scene together.
- When the woman asks Slater if Danny is his kid:
Slater: Him? Oh, no. This is a mental patient and I'm going to take him downtown. [grabs Danny] C'mon!
- Danny points out that the cashier is style likewise attractive to be working in a video shop.
Slater: I hold with you lot. I think she should exist working with us. Undercover, of class.
- When the woman asks Slater if Danny is his kid:
- When Danny finally points out Vivaldi's firm, Slater launches into a sarcastic rant.
Danny: The bad guys are in there! [points]
Slater: You know something? Yous should be wearing this. [hands Danny his badge]
Danny: [takes the badge] I don't think I've earned it yet.
Slater: You don't empathize. Y'all just solved the entire case. You just revolutionized the entire history of police training. All those years at the Academy studying human grapheme, psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint assay, all the courses that I've taken in surveillance, earnest negotiation, and criminal psychology. I mean, all I had to exercise was merely drive effectually the neighborhood and signal my finger at a house and say "THE BAD GUYS ARE IN THERE!"
Danny: You think you're funny, don't you?
Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny: Schwarzenegger!
- Slater uses "Arnold Braunschweiger" as an allonym later on in the movie.
- Slater knocks on the door to Vivaldi's door, and Vivaldi's doorman answers, leading to this exchange:
Slater: Could I speak to the drug dealer of the business firm, please?
Doorman: I beg your pardon?
Slater: It's a beautiful day, and we're out killing drug dealers. Are at that place any in the house?
- Slater starts to get out and Danny calls him back:
Slater: I'll exist back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
Slater: I do?
- Benedict's answer to Slater'due south question about him beingness a henchman:
Benedict: No, I simply go equally far as "lackey."
- "They [the assail dogs] are exceptionally well-trained." Bridegroom snaps his fingers, and the dogs quickly form a canine pyramid.
Bridegroom: I snap my fingers again, and sometime next calendar week, you emerge from several canine recta. Questions?
Slater: Yes, two. [lights a cigar] Why would I be wasting my fourth dimension with a dime-store putz similar you lot when I could be doing something much more unsafe, similar re-arranging my sock drawers? And how will you snap your fingers after I rip off both of your thumbs?
- Slater starts to get out and Danny calls him back:
- Every bit Danny keeps trying to convince Slater they're in a movie:
Slater: Kid, who does the doctor treat?
Danny: Patients.
Slater: What is the elbow of my jacket doing?
Danny: Wearing thin?
Slater: Bingo!
- Made even funnier when Danny recognizes how forced that punchline was:
Danny: That was a stretch.
- When Danny opens the door to notice Benedict and his armed goons continuing on the porch:
Benedict: Hello, Toto. Is Uncle Jack around?
- Afterward Danny gives him the "Hurt i pilus on her head" line as one of Benedict's men drags Whitney away, Benedict orders his henchman to end, strolls over to Whitney, plucks a single strand of hair from her head, walks over to Danny, and pulls it autonomously in front end of Danny, following with "Y'all were saying?"
- Benedict's goons opening the door and pointing their guns at Skeezy, who stands there with his lips puckered waiting for Whitney to kiss him.
Goon: Uh, boss?
- Jack'due south very cordial "Hello!" as he crashes in through the skylight, followed by him shooting 2 of the goons dead with their own guns.
- Bridegroom reveals a retractable pocketknife he has hidden in his sleeve on a spring device. With an uncharacteristically giddy smiling.
- "Got to grab the red-eye." Said by Jack as he pursues a fleeing Benedict.
- Danny realizing he's Wrong Genre Savvy when trying to play craven with Benedict's car.
Danny: Shit! I'chiliad the one-act sidekick!
- After surviving an explosion, Slater and Danny, still wearing their ruined clothes, sit in forepart of Dekker's office while Dekker rants angrily and incoherently then loudly he's got steam literally puffing out of his ears.
Slater: Did y'all catch any of that?
Danny: Some of it sounds similar English language.
- When Slater walks into his apartment and for no apparent reason shoots the closet twice. A dead assassinator's corpse falls out.
Danny: How'd you know there was a guy in there?
Slater: There'southward always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.
- Plainly, this is supposed to be a gag that happens once per Jack Slater movie.
- Adding to the gag is the contents of the closet: dozens of identical carmine shirts and leather jackets, just like the one Slater is wearing and a shelf full of Desert Eagles.
- When Danny and Slater realize that a chemical bomb has been planted on Leo the Fart:
Slater: Leo the Fart is gonna pass gas ane more time.
- Slater tells Danny that he'll be safe staying in his auto considering there'southward a gun in the glove compartment. When Danny opens it, a bunch of handguns fall out.
- On the way to Leo the Fart'due south funeral, Slater runs into Practice, and they make up one's mind to continue together. Forth the mode, Slater discovers Practice's true colors and admits that Danny warned him non to trust Do because he killed "Moe Zart" (Danny figured out that Practice would turn traitor all considering he is played by F. Murray Abraham, who played Salieri in Amadeus).
Slater: Danny told me I shouldn't trust you. Yous killed Moe Zart.
Practise: Moe...who?
Slater: Zart!
Do: [Beat] You know, I've killed a lot of people; I don't recall all of their names.
- Danny then shows up with a gun of his own and gives Practice a speech most how he should have just shot Slater instead of talking.
Danny: But no, you lot're the typical villain—impaired.
Vivaldi: [cocks gun] Y'all ain't no genius yourself, kid.
- The scene immediately following that shows Slater and Danny handcuffed to the wall.
- Danny then shows up with a gun of his own and gives Practice a speech most how he should have just shot Slater instead of talking.
- Slater crashes Leo the Fart's funeral, and he walks up to the casket and talks to a mourner.
Slater: He was a good man, a flatulent homo.
- Slater then pretends Leo the Fart is notwithstanding alive (complete with him using a falsetto vocalism), grabs the corpse, and starts carrying it abroad, yelling for a doctor. A man steps forrad equally a doctor, and Slater tells him to bank check Leo the Fart'south chin, only to knock the doctor out and and then yell that the md passed out.
- "Wait, elephant!"
- All of the mourners then proceed to draw guns. Yeah, all of them. Even the nuns. And an one-time lady.
- In an elevator, Slater sees a helicopter with guns trained on him and he exits the lift...merely to come face-to-face with gun-toting mooks, leading to his very advisable reaction:
Slater: [eyes broad] SHIT!
- Slater quickly growing exasperated when he tries similar hell to go Leo the Fart's body off the crane and into the tar pit. He even calls the corpse "gas bag."
- The scene in which Benedict kills Vivaldi.
Vivaldi: First, y'all're my friend! Then you lot do a... [swirls his finger in the water] 360 on me!
Benedict: [exasperated] 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin, 180! If I did a 360, I'd become completely around and end upward back where I started!
Vivaldi: ...What?
Bridegroom: Trust me! [shoots Vivaldi]
- And earlier that, Benedict trolls Vivaldi.
Benedict: Men, women, and children dropping left and right, writhing and screaming. [...] They were writhing and screaming and leaping to their doom to escape the hurting.
Vivaldi: [laughing] Really? Really?
Benedict: No, not really. I'm lying. It was a consummate and utter balls-upwards, and I've had a terrible day, thank you largely to you lot.
- And earlier that, Benedict trolls Vivaldi.
- Benedict has a subtle one. When Slater crashes Whitney's pickup truck through Benedict's front door, he gets a look on his face that screams "Again?"
- Slater starts beating up Benedict during his And This Is for... speech. For blowing up his 2nd cousin Frank's firm, Slater gives Benedict a hearty dial to the gut, and the act of bravado up Slater's ex-wife's firm gets Benedict a soft slap on the wrist. Benedict, for some reason, looks much more mortified to getting the wrist slap.
- When Slater unwittingly throws Bennett at a wall and into the existent earth:
Usually when I do that it leaves a hole.
- After they pursue Benedict and his doorman into the existent world, Slater shoots at a cab the two steal and it doesn't explode like usual:
Slater: [to Danny] Non a word. Non i word!
- Danny urging Slater to cheque to make sure Benedict and his doorman are dead after the automobile crash.
Slater: Gimme a pause. They're dead.
Danny: Just cheque!
Slater: [gestures at the cab] Expect! Expressionless!
Danny: They always look dead!
- Benedict is stunned to find that you tin impale someone for their shoes in the real world without police sirens instantly sounding. So he goes to a garage and shoots a mechanic. He and so immediately checks his watch and starts counting, waiting for the sirens. He fires another shot, just in case:
Benedict: Howdy! I've but shot somebody and I did it on purpose!
[Silence]
Bridegroom: I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess!
Neighbor: Hey! Shut upwards down there!
- While non in the film itself, a commenter on the video adds a fleck extra to the script.
"Hey shut upward down there!"
*shoots that guy*
"That makes two! Two times in the by minute I take intentionally shot another person with a gun!"
- While non in the film itself, a commenter on the video adds a fleck extra to the script.
- Danny lament to his mom that she turned Slater into a wimp.
- Slater hauling a cabbie out of his vehicle and delivering this nugget:
Slater: Ever see those movies where they say "Make my day" or "I'm your worst nightmare?" Well, listen to this one—Rubber babe buggy bumpers! [turns to Danny] Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
Danny: Uh...
- Arnold Schwarzenegger telling Maria Shriver to not talk to the National Inquirer, and Maria telling him to "not plug the restaurants" because "It's tacky."
- And Arnold goes on and brings up Planet Hollywood, much to his wife's annoyance. Maria even calls him a "low-brow lunkhead."
- Following a harrowing race to bring a dying Slater back into the moving picture world where his fatal gunshot to the chest is But a Mankind Wound, he's immediately surrounded by concerned onlookers and tended by a md... who indignantly declares it to barely even be a mankind wound, equally though they were wasting his time past summoning him.
- Slater's spoken communication to Dekker at the terminate when Dekker starts ranting at him:
Slater: Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your Hersey highway. And end shouting! I'm not deaf! You know why y'all're shouting? Because it's in the script. Y'all're the comic relief. Yes! And you know what else? I am the hero. And then Close Upwards!
- The fact that this is possibly an case of Hypocritical Humor makes it funnier.
- The music video for "Big Gun" past Ac/DC, featuring Schwarzenegger dressed as Angus Young, complete with guitar, copying the guitarist's moves. No, actually.
Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/LastActionHero